“Mom won’t let me vape…”



     One of the things I love about the service I use for this site is that it allows me to monitor a variety of things related to which of my posts are popular, how many people click which links, which web sites people arrive at my blog from, and in the event they use search engines to get here, which search terms led them here from those search engines.

I sometimes see some pretty amusing search terms, such as the following:


*”Vaping makes me angry.” (Sorry ’bout your luck, whoever you are.)

*”Why does my eliquid  taste like cucumbers?” (Not only do I not know, I probably don’t even want to know.)

*”Can I vape eliquid if I drip it on my stove?” (I would assume not.)

*”I wanna have secks wiv Scrivener!” (Different keystrokes for different folks, I guess.)

*”Do RSS stand 4 Rilly Sexy Shoplifterz?” (I’m almost 100% certain that it doesn’t.)


     Recently, though, one caught my eye that I feel like maybe I should address directly, because it’s symptomatic of one of the biggest whines coming from the ANTZ (Anti-Nicotine/Tobacco Zealots, in case the term is new to you.) That whine is the bone-dry old song, “What about the chyeeeeeel-drennnnn!”

     Well, now I’ve discovered that apparently some of the children are finding their way here. So I have a message for the children, and then I have one for their parents.

     To the kids out there reading this: Your parents won’t let you vape? So don’t. If you don’t smoke, there’s nothing in vaping for you. If you do smoke, you’re not yet old enough to be so far gone down that path of addiction that you can’t just quit. 

     So quit. Unless you’re chain smoking three packs a day, the odds are that you’re not so addicted that vaping is your only resort for quitting yet. And if you are that far gone, odds are your parents are allowing that, so there’s no reason for them not to allow vaping, which means you aren’t the kid whose mom won’t let him or her vape and who ended up here because of that Google search.

     Quit smoking now. And stop trying to buy vape gear and eliquids. You’re not old enough to buy them, and you’re putting momentum into fucking it up for everybody else. Knock it off, you little douchebag.

     To the parents: If your kid smokes, you have been slackin’. There hasn’t been a Joe Camel or a Marlboro Man in decades. Your kids aren’t seeing it on television, or in movies. What minimal exposure they get to the idea  that smoking is “cool”, in 2014, comes from their little friends. You’re supposed to be a counterweight to that. You’re supposed to exert the stronger influence.

     You can’t do that by being “their friends” — that leads to a mental landscape where “some of their friends” think smoking is cool and rebellious, but where “some of their friends” say it’s bad. That may be okay when it comes to music, but not when it comes to their health or their future.

     You’re supposed to be the dominant influence. You’re not their “bro” and/or “sis” — you’re their parents, and how your kids are raised is all on you.

     I’m sure I’ll see search results like that come to my page again. I just hope it isn’t very often.

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